to all the ashes that won't blow away

Do you ever forget the first person you exchanged souls with?
I think not.
I prefer to act as though you do not exist but there you always are hidden in the apprehension
Behind the cracks of smiles i’m too afraid to share
All the giggles stuck at the back of my throat
All the whispers that hook onto my ear and crawl into places that have been dormant for so long

Who needs a heart
or a smile
or the warmth you emit when you're no longer afraid to stop being cold?

You can not erase claw marks
Or teeth marks
or scratches one leaves
you can’t cover up all the scars
all you can do is learn how to live with them
and trick people into believing you are not wounded

i opened up the bowels of the earth to excavate myself for you
to hope to be home to you
now there will always be something missing
i hope you found what you were missing
that is all a woman can ask for a man she once loved

I give myself to men now in ways i never gave myself to you
But i wouldn’t dare dream to believe that i’d surrender my soul once more
That is something you can’t barter
Once it is lost to the world it can’t be regained
There will forever be me before you
And me after
That is my life
That is my truth
And that is all we will ever really share
Pieces of ourselves we stole from each other and refuse to return even up until now
The fear we smeared across eachother’s hearts
the dance our memories will do until the final ashes blow away.

to the onlookers (who love to see me/us dance)

The fluidity of a brown woman’s body on a dance floor
Is somewhat shattering to all the others
The glow of our skin
Our arching backs
Like vertical horizons
All shades of wonderful
We are
Unaware of what we possess
If there was ever something so intangible and beautiful
It would stem from the way our bodies are blackened waterfalls and rivers
Spilling into the sky
All the others are jealous
On a dance floor we own
Our men love our bodies most
When we are swaying
Hips first
Arms risen
Saluting the heavens
We possess the soul of the earth in our hips
We must not dismiss what power we are home to.

to the cannibal

There is something about the neon that reminds me of your smile
Late at night when I drive home
I think about the fact that you’re somewhere looking at the same moon I am
Yes
I can’t ever quite put my finger on it but I doubt you were ever happy
Your words were heavy
Your touch never lingered
There were so many shadows
I only knew you in silhouettes
Some things will hurt forever I’m guessing
Like teeth sinking into heart
You are cannibal
No one knows this but even after all these days and weeks
I still smell of you
I’ve grown tired of washing out all the stains I’m home to.

for sale signs

I was home to too many collisions
So now I am scrap metal
Bits and pieces of a former self
Then again I guess we all are
Just damaged goods with great paintjobs
Waiting in lots
To be picked up by our rightful owners.