the routine

I sit on the toilet
I’m bleeding
And I’m confused all at once
Each month I can’t help but think when he’ll enter me
Whoever he is, probably a nobody
I think of the pain it’ll be
Not to have him inside of me
But to have him be gone
When the love is no good
When me is no good
When he moves onto his next excavation
Because I know it’ll happen just like that

I sit on the toilet
I’m bleeding
And I’m crying all at once
Looking down at my chocolate thighs coated with drops the color of ripe cherries
I realize I hate being a woman
I hate the bleeding
I hate the crying
But most of all I hate the pain

The agonizing pain of a woman’s heart shattering into tiny little pieces
And the loud echo it makes when it sinks to the bottom of her empty soul
Where it splashes against the puddle of tears left from her broken dreams past
When all these things happen to me