when i rant at god (freewrite from algebra class)

I push past my tears as I write this poem
Push past lies to find truth
Push past pain to find freedom
Push past the devil to find god

I search for him in my sleep
In my fingertips
In the torn seams of my soul
But I never do
Find you

God

I probably shouldn’t find you because if I found you
I’d probably tell you that I hate you
And ask you why you hurt everyone I love
Why you hurt me
Why you let me hurt myself
Why you won’t let me love me

I’d ask you to open my chest with your almighty hands
And show me my soul
Tear out my heart, bloody, beating and all
Then let me die

I want to know that I’m human
That I can’t live without a heart
Because sometimes I wonder
If I even exist